Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Hilarity from my father

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of
the heaviest chemical yet known to science. This new element has been
tentatively named "Governmentium."

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons giving it an atomic mass
of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into

A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four
days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to
speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypocritical quantity is referred to
as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many
peons, but twice as many morons.



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