Pointers for the single fells and single laides out there

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

 
40-ish......................49

Adventurous.................Slept with everyone

Athletic....................No breasts

Average looking.............Moooo

Beautiful...................Pathological liar

Emotionally Secure..........On medication

Feminist....................Fat

Free spirit.................Junkie

Friendship first............Former slut
  
New-Age.....................Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned...............No BJs
 
Open-minded.................Desperate

Outgoing....................Loud and Embarrassing

Professional................Bitch

Voluptuous..................Very Fat

Large frame.................Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate..............Stalker 

  


   WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

   1. Yes = No

   2. No = Yes

   3. Maybe = No

   4. We need = I want

   5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

   6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

   7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

   8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

   9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

   10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about? 

  

   MEN'S ENGLISH:

   1. I am hungry = I am hungry

   2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

   3. I am tired = I am tired

   4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

   5. I love you = Let's have sex now

   6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

   7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

   8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

   9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

   10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

   11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay